In the beginning of our sessions, I usually ask my clients, “Do you think there is a connection between how we think and how we feel?” I believe this is an important question to ask. Not because it helps us connect the dots (well it kind of does), but because it helps us get out of the pattern that there is nothing that can be done with our feelings, thoughts, or our actions. We tend to “awfulize” and usually end our thoughts with feeling of getting stuck…as a result we get stuck.
We feel the way we feel, because we think the way we do and we act the way we do. Can you imagine for a moment, if you didn’t think the way you did, do you think you would feel the way you’d feel, or act the way you act. We are a culmination of our experience. A large part that makes us who we are is our past experience. Somewhere along the line we learned to deal with stress by not dealing with it, we learned to unhealthily bottle up when angered and shut down when faced with emotional over-stimulation. They were all helpful at one time in our past, as they helped us cope and survive. However, those same helpful strategies have now begun to be hurtful. It is time to realize that change is inevitable. Our lives changed, the people around us have changed, and the time in which we presently live has also changed. Just like everything around us has changed, it is time for us to change our thoughts and actions, inadvertently changing our emotions, which is all crucial to improve our overall happiness. It is time to take control and accountability. As Einstein said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
Most often the answer is in the questions we ask. Most often liberation is in the logic that traps us. The answer can only exist, once we realize what is the question.
Practice for self growth:
Take a moment for yourself, and reflect on your own patterns. Take some time and analyze (NEVER criticize) about what is your pattern… Do I give up too easily? Do I overthink? Do I under think? Where does my overthinking usually end up at? Do I say sorry too much? Why do I always get hurt? Observe what you tell yourself as you ask yourself these question. IMPORTANT: Non judgmentally observe, and flow with them.
Break them down into categories, and pay attention to how your thoughts could lead to how you feel, and in turn lead to how you act…pay attention to the causes that leads to effect, and how every effect becomes the new cause for later effects. Once you are aware of your pattern, remind yourself that you are only fallible human being, and unconditionally accept and take accountability for your part. Then, challenge your thoughts, and do something different and see where that takes you.
“The art of love….is mostly the art of persistence” Albert Ellis
If you have any question or comments, please feel free to reach out to us at healingsamsara@gmail.com.
The Samsara Counseling 