One point of view on cutting.

 

I am truly blessed to be working with the best clients one can ask for.
Recently one of my client, whom I have had the pleasure to work with for few months, had asked me a really intriguing question regarding cutting, and I would like to share what I had shared with the client. This is one way to view the matter, as there are many. I have asked the client and have the consent to share this with the world. 😊

Question: Hey Suresh, I have a serious question to ask you and don’t worry about responding quickly, cause I know you’re busy. But what makes cutting yourself so bad as opposed to just being a method of release. For example, when some people are stressed out they drink, smoke, sleep too much or too little etc. So what makes cutting yourself so different from all of those things?

Response: “Not a simple answer, but I’ll do my best to give you my view on them.

Societally we see hurting self or others as bad in general, especially if we care about them. We associate cuts, wounds, and blood as pain and as such we tend to label them as bad. At the same time drinking is not seen as bad…however if we take that to extreme then we have bad. Similar logic to weed or sleep.

You see it is not the release that is bad, but the method and usage of it.

It is not irrational to want to have a release, in fact it is encouraged…however why that way is the question. We know there are more than one way to release, then why fixate with cuts? It’s like you can drink to release, but why drink absinthe or full bottle of vodka right! You can easily rubber band snap it, or sharpie it, but why cut and bleed right!

I tend to see it from an addiction point of view. We’re all hooked onto something (Weed, alcohol, sugar, social media, video games, porn, screens, etc..), but when doe it become bad?

For example, drinking helps us deal with stress, however over time we build tolerance to the amount necessary to feel that same release, and naturally we up the dosage of alcohol and you know the rest. Same thing for weed, or whatever method we use as release. Now that’s where cutting begins to become “Bad” method of release. When you started, you might need to cut only once or twice to achieve the release, however overtime you will build tolerance to it naturally. Then, we begin to feel the need to cut more, or cut deeper or on a more sensitive area to have the same effect. You can imagine the natural domino’s from there.

The need to release would imply that there is something that needs to be released…being mindful of that and accepting it might be the first step. You see I believe that addiction is never about the drugs or substance. It’s about the escape from the uncomfortable, inconvenient and unwanted. Instead of focusing on the substance or cutting, the goal then is to dig deeper into why MUST you cut or take something…why MUST you escape, kind of thing.

We human’s have this crazy ability to make things normal. Following our human nature, over time cutting then begins to be normal, & in the process we begin to desensitize ourselves to pain and as a result we start to feel nothing but pain, which could be a recipe for unhealthy habits. 🙂

Using your quote from the book you shared, “You’re always winning at something”. Either foolishly believing that you cannot break your unhealthy habits, or that you can break it. As the late Robin Williams said, “Permanent solutions to temporary problems.” Cutting might seem ok for now, and I have no right to judge it, however over time it becomes a somber reminder of our past…if not mindful it can trap us in the game of guilt, shame and disappointment.

It is good practice to observe and follow the natural flow of your thoughts. This could help with identifying why it is good or bad. If there are more bad than good, then why waste your precious time and energy! Instead of that struggle, why not drop it all together and create a new chapter! 🙂

Unconditionally Accept everything as it is, instead of as it SHOULD be and move on!”

I hope this proves to be helpful to anyone who is going through a difficult time. This again is one way of seeing “cutting” out of many. To anyone who may be reading this, I highly encourage you to mindfully observe the patterns of your mind. As late Alan Watts once said, “Life is a pattern”. If you want to move towards your goal, then first mindfully observe your pattern…as one of my client called it your feedback loop. Observe the way you think, feel, and act in the web of your reality, and mindfully observe how it influences you and everything around you. Once you realize the pattern, one thing usually begins to be clear, and that is only you keep yourself stuck in the feedback loop. Once you observe the pattern, no matter how scary, or how helpless it may feel, you have now created a space to consciously continue with your pattern, or to try to do something different (thinking, feeling or action). As Shakespeare said, “Nothing is good or bad, it is our thinking that makes it so”. Nothing wrong to continue with your pattern, or to trying to break it, however be mindful of one universal truth, change is inevitable. 🙂

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If you found this helpful, then please share with the ones who might benefit from the post as well. And, If you are looking for some help to move towards your goal or would like to learn how to work with your anxiety, depression, stress or feelings of being “stuck”, then please feel free to contact us to schedule your first session.

-The Samsara Counseling.
“If you don’t feel like smiling, smile until you do”.